Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
