Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
