I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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