my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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