I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
