it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
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I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
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This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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