Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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