Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
