I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
and she was petting her beer can
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
