i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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