remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
