So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
