I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
