I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
we're so committed to being not committed
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
