come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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