i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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