ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
