THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
