I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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