just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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