dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
