Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
