I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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