Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
