Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
