High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
