We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
