Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
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Send help, water and tortillas.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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