Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
