Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
