She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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