why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
