Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
