So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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