Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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