no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
