nut hugger
i jhust puked up my retainher.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
