So gin and wine won't be happening again
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
