Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Randomize
