I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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