I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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