You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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