I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
