I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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