i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
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