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• (503): View more from Oregon

  today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.

  (816): View more from Missouri

  ...... wtf.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?

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• (707): View more from California

  I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...

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• (915): View more from Texas

  The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears

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• (805): View more from California

  I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets

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• (415): View more from California

  I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.

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