Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
3pm strippers are depressing
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
