Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
