its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
