i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
