My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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