literally had 100 drinks last night.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Well I just put wine in my tea
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
