I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
