Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
