I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
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Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
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He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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