I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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