Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
