Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
