i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The best revenge is premature balding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It's shark week go big or go home
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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