I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
