I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
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