Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
