In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
