I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
