My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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