put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
