how can u be prego again
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
