Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
