oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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