Please, let me fuck your mom
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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