Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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