You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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